Face it; sex just isn’t as much fun unless you’re wet. In fact, sex can be downright uncomfortable or can even hurt if you’re not wet down there. If you have trouble getting wet, you’re not alone. This happens to some women. It can be frustrating, especially when it seems like guys can get hard with the drop of a hat. The good news is that there are a number of different remedies for getting wet.
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Understanding Arousal – What Causes Wetness
While you might know the basics of the sexual response cycle as well as the signs of arousal, which includes vaginas becoming wetter, you may not know precisely how it works.
Many of the symptoms are caused by a rush of blood, which happens throughout the entire body and not just the genitals. In men, this blood creates the telltale sign of arousal: an erection. But it’s not that different for women. The vagina and vulva become engorged with blood and appear swollen , and the clitoris becomes erect as well . All of this is accompanied by genital sensitivity.
However, women differ from men in that blood can’t just cycle back into the body. Your body responds by forcing moisture from blood plasma to leave the body in the form of vaginal lubrication [3, 4], in a reaction similar to sweating . It’s also believed that the Bartholin glands contribute to this lubrication . The result? Pleasurable wet sex and pressure relief.
What does female arousal fluid look like?
If you’re curious what it looks like, the answer is, well, wet. It’s often clear; although, it can be a bit milky as it mixes with cervical fluid and secretions from the Bartholin glands. While it may be possible to see this fluid externally, it’s not always noticeable.
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The source of this wetness is different from what makes women squirt, in case you were wondering or asking yourself, “Why do girls cream?”
For many women, becoming truly aroused is key to getting wet; although, that’s not the only signal of arousal. As blood rushes to your genitals, you might feel a bit bloated or internally “wet.” A flush spreads over your body [7, 8], resulting in reddened skin that can make you feel warmer. Your heart will beat faster, and breathing may follow suit.
In fact, when you think about it, wetness isn’t a particularly good signal for arousal by itself, especially internal wetness. The vagina is always moist to an extent, and guys who think they can tell how turned on you are just by inserting a finger are probably wrong!
Still, getting wet isn’t just an indicator of arousal. It enables you to experience penetration, whether from hands, a penis, or a toy, with more ease and comfort. If you’re not properly lubricated, penetration can lead to tiny tears in your vaginal tissue, which makes it easier for you to get an STI or bacterial infection.
On top of that, being wet lets you have sex longer, which is important if either you or your partner takes a little longer to finish and simply to allow you to enjoy sexual activities.
You almost can’t be too wet (there are some instances where too much lubrication can reduce sensation because there’s not enough friction, but this is not often the case). In that note, it’s crucial for me to talk about adding extra moisture even when you don’t need it, but especially when you do. That’s right; I’m talking about lube!
Why Lube Is Awesome
Personal lubricants, AKA lube, are sold everywhere from Amazon to sex boutiques to pharmacies, and they’re pretty much a Godsend. They provide the same benefits as natural lubrication for both partners — and sometimes a few more! For instance, some lubes are flavored for oral sex, while others may heat or cool.
A silicone-based lube is pretty much necessary for penetration in the shower or anytime you’re having sex in water because water washes away both your natural lubrication and water-based lube. A bottle of lube means you can have wet sex and not just wet skin!
You can learn more in this post all about lube.
Despite its perks, lube still gets a bad rap. Some people still believe it’s unnecessary or that you shouldn’t need or want to use it. I’m here to tell you this is wrong! Even if you don’t need lube, it can still make things more slippery and fun, but many women find that using lube makes sex less painful and more enjoyable — sometimes for the very first time!
While this guide focuses on teaching you how to get wet, there are some instances (we’ll get to them in a bit) that simply prevent you from getting wet. Plus, some people simply don’t make as much lube as others. In these cases, lube is a must.
If you need to troubleshoot why you can’t get wet, check out this guide that answers the very question, “Why can’t I get wet?” Some obvious and not-so-obvious things can stop you from getting wet or becoming as wet as you’d like.
But even if that doesn’t apply to you, feel free to grab a bottle of lube and let it do its job if that prevents you from stressing over how naturally wet you get. In fact, stress is one of those things that prevent you from becoming aroused and getting wet. This leads us right to the discussion of how to get wet naturally…
Explore Your Body
Exploring your body teaches you what it responds to. You can stimulate your genitals and other erogenous zones (discover all of your erogenous zones) and use your hands or try sex toys. After you learn how to give yourself pleasure and to orgasm, you can then share that information with your partners.
Of course, you can also rely on touching yourself as one of the things to make you wet whenever you plan to enjoy some penetration. Plus, it will be super hot for your partner to watch!
Stimulate First, Lubricate Second
When we asked readers of Bad Girls Bible how they get horny, more than a few responded that they used masturbation as a way to get in the mood. Rather than waiting for the mood to strike them, they got hands-on and let desire follow. This actually makes a lot of sense when you realize that many women have what’s known as responsive desire [12 p 225]. That is, their desire isn’t like spontaneous “untriggered” desire  but requires some trigger to activate.
Now, if you’re not in the mood at all, you’ll probably want to try some things to make you wet such as making out or oral sex (another common response from our readers!) before you head to penetration. But there are so many great ideas that can get you mentally and physically aroused, which includes making yourself wet fast.
Psst, you can check out this post about the fascinating subject of sexual desire!
Activate Your Desire
Stimulation isn’t the only way to activate arousal fluid. Responsive desire can have a variety of triggers. You just need to figure out yours and implement them when you want to get horny and make your pussy wetter. Triggers might include:
- Emotional intimacy with your man
- A sexy scene in a book, movie, or TV show
- A certain smell
- Wearing lingerie
- Seeing your man in a particularly sexy environment
- Reading erotica
Basically, you need to pay attention to what was happening in the past when you were in the mood for sex and wet. You can also observe the common factors during your next few sexual escapades to see what worked for you. Once you’ve identified those things, set the stage to include them when you want to get really wet.
Instead of just hoping to get wet, you’ll have learned how to make yourself wet and can rely on your own personal arsenal of tricks and ways to get wet!
Make Time for Foreplay
Maybe you already know things to do to make yourself wet, but for whatever reason, they just don’t happen. Many of those things are excellent foreplay, so you just need to make a point to do them. Twenty minutes is the oft-quoted “magic number” for becoming completely aroused; although, a 2006 survey found that about 10 minutes is sufficient for men and women .
The point isn’t to set an alarm and dry hump for 10 minutes exactly. Just make sure you do all the things that get you excited so that you can have awesome, wet sex! When you extend foreplay, it gives you a chance to become more aroused and wet. And that makes sex better.
Here are some foreplay moves for how to get wet that you should try:
- Kissing using your tongue: this leads to a deep connection and puts both of you in a better mood. Your tongue doesn’t need to go only in his mouth. Try tracing the outline of his lips with your tongue. The thin corners are especially sensitive.
- Caressing: touching each other all over the body is important to increase your arousal level. Giving each other a full body massage is one good way. What’s important is that your man caresses other body parts before he goes for the breasts and clitoris. He can touch your ears, the back of your neck, your abdomen, the back of your legs and your lower back.
- Touch, suck, and lick: now you can move on to paying attention to each other’s genitals. You can take turns or do this at the same time.
Check out 9 more foreplay techniques
Reduce Stress (Or Learn to Cope) So You Can Relax
Stress has a significant impact on our sex lives. It can lower our libidos and decrease arousal and pleasure. That’s one of the reasons stress is known as a sexual “brake,” the things that halt or slow your sexual excitation system
So reducing stress as much as possible can make for more wet sex. Unfortunately, if the thing that’s stressing you out is how wet you get, you can get stuck in a vicious cycle.
It’s not always possible to reduce stress, which means you need to focus on how you deal with it. Using techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy or mindfulness can provide you with coping skills so that you’re not overwhelmed with stress. You can also focus on in-the-moment relaxation techniques, which can include:
- A shower or bubble bath, perhaps with your partner
- A slow, intimate massage (get tips for sensual message)
- Lighting candles or incense
- Breathing techniques
- Soothing sounds or music
The shower or massage makes for excellent foreplay while allowing for the stress to melt away — at least temporarily.
When you’re truly relaxed, you’ll find it easier to get wet naturally and struggle less with staying wet longer.
Practice a Healthy Lifestyle
Being generally healthy is good for you in every way, including sexually! So remember to drink enough water, eat your fruits and vegetables, exercise, and get enough sleep. Together, these things can boost energy, mood, and libido. Plus, you’ll feel better.
Of particular note is heart health, which can be buoyed with exercise. Vaginal lubrication is similar to sweat in that it’s made from blood plasma. Having a healthy heart means blood can make its way to your genitals where it can then become self lubrication. On top of that, a strong heart can more efficiently deliver blood to muscles, which means more blood plasma can become sweat [17 p 132]. That also means more blood can become vaginal lubrication.
Although it might be an extreme example, 80% of women who had heart failure also experience trouble with vaginal lubrication . Heart rate variability has also been tied to female sexual dysfunction, including low lubrication .
Mucous membranes that line your eyes, nose, and mouth also line your vagina, and dryness in one area often means another area is dry . All these areas need to be hydrated to function right and not dry out. If you find you are having difficulty getting wet, try drinking more water, about eight glasses a day. You might be dehydrated.
Hydration also makes it easier to squirt.
Speaking of hydration, marijuana is known to dehydrate you . So if sex is uncomfortable, hold off on smoking before or during sex.
Use Medicinal Aids
For people who have trouble getting wet naturally, perhaps due to a medical issue or menopause, the solution may come in the form of vaginal moisturizers or estrogen supplements . You can use lube in addition to these solutions. Estrogen especially solves the problem of how to get wet naturally by boosting your body’s own arousal fluid production .
Whatever the solution, it’s smart to talk to your doctor about ways to get wet if you have vaginal dryness and may need medicine to deal with it.
A note about some meds: Is it allergy season? If so, you might be experiencing vaginal dryness. Certain allergy medications that dry up your sinuses can also dry you up down there . Medicines that contain antihistamines can cause your whole body to experience a drying effect, including your vagina .
If you want to know what you can do to make yourself wetter rather than just how to get wet naturally, it may help to focus on those special kinks or fetishes that set you right over the edge. You may enjoy sex enough, but increasing the intensity with role play, BDSM, or some other kinky aspect can turn it up to 11! This is how some women stay wet during sex and have some of the best sex of their lives!
What If You Can’t Get or Stay Wet?
The advice above answers the question “How do I make my pussy wet?” but you may still struggle. If you’ve read this guide as well as the one about why you can’t get wet to troubleshoot your problem to no avail, it’s probably time to talk to your doctor.
The two of you can discuss how health concerns and what medications may be interfering with your sex life. It would be a great time to discuss changes brought on by birth control or even if your depression medication is making it hard to get wet (unfortunately, it can ).
However, you may be healthy and just not get super wet. Or you may notice you’re less wet during some times than at others. Some healthy women naturally produce less lubrication for unknown reasons. It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you, your relationship, or your partner’s performance. It’s no big deal, especially when you can always use lube.
Finally, you may have noticed that this post doesn’t tell you how to stay wet.
Even if you get pretty wet when sex starts, you may feel dryer and less comfortable as it goes on. This is especially true for marathon sex sessions.
This makes sense when you remember that sex was designed for the species to procreate, and that only requires male pleasure and ejaculation, which doesn’t always take a lot of time. Your lubrication just needs to last long enough.
So if you want sex to last longer or perhaps need a little more time to have your own orgasm, then you might have to reach for that bottle of lube. Again, there’s nothing wrong with it. Almost anyone can benefit from lube, but some situations call for it more than others (this is true for anal sex since the anus doesn’t self lubricate at all !). Plus, you can reapply as often as you need.
When you understand that the ability to get wet varies between women and even the same woman throughout her lifetime, it’s easier to cope on those days when you just can’t get wet enough. As long as you’ve eliminated or dealt with and serious causes (health and relationship issues), you can still enjoy comfortable and pleasurable sex thanks to a little invention known as lube.
Very Well Health has a list of medications that can cause vaginal dryness, which would make it difficult to get wet.
This episode of the American Sex podcast features sex researcher Nicole Prause, who discusses how blood becomes vaginal lubrication, among other things.
Clar McWeeney discusses the differences between vaginal discharge, cervical fluid and arousal fluid.
Check out this vaginal dryness guide from Harvard to find the right solution for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ #1 – Why is it so hard for me to get wet even though I am healthy?
Sometimes you can identify specific causes that make it hard for you to self lubricate. But what if that’s not the case? Perhaps you’ve even had a visit to the doctor who could find nothing wrong. Again, check out our article about what might be preventing you from getting wet. It’s especially important to consider the roles that stress and your relationship play in arousal and getting wet naturally.
However, if you really can’t identify any factors that might be making it hard to get wet for your man, don’t fret. Some women simply produce less natural lubrication, can’t get wet fast, or have trouble staying wet longer. This is how it is for some women and if you’re one of them, you can always try lube.
This can change throughout your menstrual cycle and lifetime, too. Events that cause significant hormonal changes such as childbirth or breastfeeding may affect how wet you get [28, 29 p 489]. Again, this is normal, and lube can help.
Mindfulness, which we’ve discussed above, might help you connect your body and mind so that they’re in sync when it comes to arousal. Mindfulness can increase lubrication [30 p 111] as well as sexual response and decrease arousal discordance [31, 32].
FAQ #2 – Why don’t I get really wet even when I am in the mood?
When it comes to arousal, there’s physical and mental arousal. Physical includes swelling, bloodflow to the genitals, and lubrication  while mental means wanting sex. When the two work together, it’s known as sexual or arousal concordance [34, 35, 36]. When physical and mental arousal aren’t in sync, it’s known as arousal discordance or noncondordance.
Women experience less arousal concordance than men [37, 38], which means that your bodies and minds are less often on the same page when it comes to arousal. However, women still experience a high degree of agreement between measured and reported arousal .
When men are physically aroused (erect), they tend to feel mentally aroused. But a woman can feel mentally aroused and not be wet, even if the stimulus is nonhuman! . The opposite can also happen, too: a woman can feel physically aroused and wet but not be in the mood for sex. Research into arousal finds that the mental arousal states reported by women don’t always match the results produced by devices that measure the genital response (both vaginal and clitoral concordance can be measured ).
One theory is that women may be less aware of the physical response produced by their bodies than men who are aware of more signs of arousal , and at least one study finds that women whose physical and mental arousal aligns have greater orgasm consistency . If this is the case, then one of the ways mindfulness may be able to help you get wetter is by enabling you to better notice bodily sensations on top of the advice of this article.
FAQ #3 – What do I do if my partner thinks something is something is wrong (with me) if I can’t get wet?
Your partner might struggle if you’re unable to get wet. It’s easy for partners to take this personally and assume it means you’re not attracted to them or even that they’re not good lovers. This is an easy assumption to make if their previous partners have gotten wet easily or even if your partner misunderstands the difference between vaginal discharge and self lubrication.
In some cases, a lack of foreplay or attention to your needs and desires may impact your body’s ability to become aroused and how much pleasure you experience. If that’s the reason, you can work toward increasing sexual activities and the length of play to allow your body to become fully aroused and get your vagina wet.
However, that isn’t always the case. There are plenty of times when the reason you cannot get wet has nothing to do with him. For instance, you might take life-saving medication that makes your vagina dry. If you can name the reason and explain it to your partner, he might realize it isn’t a judgment of him or his performance and has nothing to do with how much you’re attracted to him.
But sometimes you might not know why you can’t get wet naturally, even if you’ve spent time investigating or talked about it with your doctor. Remember, that levels of self lubrication vary not just between woman but across each woman’s lifetime. It’s not a huge deal if you’re not super wet. Just use some lube.
And if your partner refuses to use a sexual aid that will make things better for both of you or makes you feel bad about your body’s sexual performance? Maybe he doesn’t deserve to have sex with you!
FAQ #4 – What does it mean if I used to be able to get wet without problems but now struggle?
There are a few reasons why this can happen. Anything to do with your hormones could be the culprit, especially pregnancy and menopause. Conditions where your hormones are imbalanced can impact your sex life. Thyroid disorders are just one example .
Arousal and sexual enjoyment also have a complicated interplay with relationship satisfaction. If your relationship is on the rocks, chances are your sex life will take a hit, too.
Have you experienced a recent increase in stress? Or perhaps you’ve been dealing with some low-level stress over time, and it’s finally beginning to impact you. Stress can affect arousal (physical signs, including becoming wet) and desire as well as how you experience sexual pleasure.
Maybe your relationship with yourself has changed, and you’re struggling with confidence or body image.
Medication, including birth control, may also be the culprit .
Look for life changes, and you may find the answer to this question. Don’t assume that any factor would only affect you outside the bedroom. Our bodies do not compartmentalize that way. It’s all connected.
But sometimes there isn’t any apparent reason.
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